Marriage and Relationships During Incarceration in New Hampshire

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Internal links (5): New Hampshire inmate search, send money, visitation guide (NH DOC), Staying Connected hub, New Hampshire reentry resources

Voice: Formerly-incarcerated experience, not expert advice. Real. No fluff. Honest about doubt.

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Relationships During Incarceration in New Hampshire | InmateAid

New Hampshire is a small state -- ninth smallest in the country -- and most of its population lives in the southern tier. Manchester, Nashua, Salem, Portsmouth, Concord. The state's correctional facilities are not in the south. NH State Prison for Men is in Concord, which is in the middle. Northern New Hampshire Correctional Facility is in Berlin, in Coos County, 120 miles north of Concord in the White Mountains country. NH Women's Prison is in Goffstown, just west of Manchester.

For a family in Manchester or Nashua with a partner in Berlin, the drive is two to two and a half hours north on I-93 and then Route 2 through the White Mountain National Forest, into the North Country, into the former mill city of Berlin on the Androscoggin River. Coos County is one of the most economically disadvantaged counties in New Hampshire -- a region that has lost population and economic base as the mills closed. The facility is there. The family is usually not.

New Hampshire allows each inmate two visits per week -- a more generous allowance than most states in this series. There is no cap on the number of family members who can be on the visiting list. But before you can bring children to visit, you must complete Safeguard Training.

Safeguard Training is offered virtually by the NHDOC. It covers visiting room policy and rules, how to prepare a child for visitation, grooming behaviors, coercion, offending cycles, and how to report an incident. Whoever completes the training is the only approved adult who can bring minor visitors to that person's visits.

This training exists because not all incarcerated people have safe histories with children. The NHDOC uses it to protect children in visiting rooms. If you are bringing kids to see their parent, this training is required and it covers real content. It is worth taking seriously.

There are no experts here. We have experience. You measure your situation against ours and decide what is true for you.

The Wife and the Girlfriend Are Not the Same Person

It happens in New Hampshire visiting rooms the same way it happens everywhere else -- at NH State Prison for Men in Concord, at Northern New Hampshire Correctional Facility in Berlin, at NH Women's Prison in Goffstown.

Some of the men inside are running two tracks. There is the woman who knows the real situation and the woman who knows the version he performs. In New Hampshire, where the visiting list has no cap and two visits per week are permitted, both tracks can visit regularly. The list has room for everyone. The schedule has room for everyone. Whether he is honest with either of them is a separate question from whether the visiting policy allows both of them.

The one who knows the real situation is talking about the now. She is managing a New Hampshire household -- in Manchester, in Nashua, in Concord, in one of the smaller cities or the southern tier communities -- and she is doing it without another adult. New Hampshire is an expensive state to live in. Southern New Hampshire's housing market has been pulled up by proximity to Massachusetts. Whatever the local reality, the bills do not pause.

The other one is talking about the future. She is holding onto a version of the relationship that has not been tested by ordinary New Hampshire life.

He treats them differently. With the one who knows everything he is more transactional, more likely to bring up what he needs before asking how she is. With the other one he is more careful, still performing.

Some women reading this are the one who knows everything. Some are the other one. Some are finding out right now which one they are.

If you are not sure: does he know what is actually happening in your week, or does he only know what he needs from it? Are you the person he calls when something is good, or only when something is needed? Have you ever met anyone in his life who knew about you?

The answers are not comfortable. But they are information.

The Commissary Conversation

The phone call in New Hampshire goes through ConnectNetwork by GTL (now ViaPath). Video visitation scheduling at nhdoc.gtlvisitme.com. Site ID 222 for ConnectNetwork account setup. AdvancePay, Pin Debit, or Trust Fund deposits. FCC rate caps apply.

He is dependent. He cannot buy his own hygiene products or extra food or make his own calls without trust account funds. That dependency produces need that comes through the call as asking and sometimes as pressure.

You are managing a New Hampshire household. Southern New Hampshire has been absorbed into the Boston metro's cost of living. Manchester and Nashua are not cheap cities. Concord is more moderate. The North Country communities are poorer but also more economically fragile. Whatever the local reality, the bills do not pause.

Women ask about this on InmateAid's Ask the Inmate section more than almost any other relationship question. Whether he is using the ConnectNetwork account she funds to call other women. Whether the money she sends is going where he says. Whether the need is about love or about logistics. The wondering sits underneath every call and does not go away until someone names it out loud.

Set a sustainable monthly number. Communicate it. Hold it. Consistency matters more than any single large deposit.

What She Is Carrying That He Cannot See

When he went in, she absorbed everything he used to do. Every decision. Every bill. Every school meeting and sick kid and broken appliance and form that needs a signature. Every night the house is quiet in a way that is not peace.

New Hampshire's communities range from the dense southern tier suburbs to the small mill cities to the rural North Country. In each of these places, the social world changes when the news is bad. In Manchester's neighborhoods and in the North Country's small cities, the news travels. Some people disappear. Family members who had reservations feel confirmed. What is left is her, managing children who are watching her to understand how they are supposed to feel about all of this.

For families in Manchester or Nashua with a partner in Berlin, the drive north is two hours each way. Route 2 through the mountains is beautiful and it is also a real commitment on a winter weekend in Coos County. New Hampshire winter starts in October in the North Country and runs through April.

The person inside experiences deprivation. What he often cannot see is that she is deprived too -- not of freedom but of partnership, of another adult, of someone to hand the weight to at the end of the day. The resentment that grows from that gap is real. It is not a sign the relationship is wrong. It is a sign both of them are under a pressure most couples never face.

Safeguard Training: What It Is and Why It Matters

If you want to bring children to visit someone at a New Hampshire state prison, you must complete Safeguard Training first. This is not optional.

The training is offered virtually -- you do not have to appear in person. After completing the online Safeguard Training application at corrections.nh.gov, you will be contacted by NHDOC staff to sign up for a specific class. The training covers visiting room policy and rules, how to prepare a child for visitation, grooming behaviors, coercion, offending cycles, and how to report an incident.

The person who completes Safeguard Training is the only approved adult who can bring minor visitors to that inmate's visits. If you complete it, you hold that role. If you do not, the children cannot come.

Why does this training exist? Because inmates with crimes against children, or a history of crimes against children, may have visitation with children denied, restricted, or required to be supervised by a trained chaperone. The NHDOC uses this training to protect children in visiting rooms. It is not a bureaucratic hurdle. It addresses something real about what can happen in visiting rooms when no one is paying attention.

If you are bringing children to see their parent and the relationship between that parent and those children is healthy and appropriate, the training is a few hours of your time and it gives you real information about the dynamics of visiting rooms. Take it.

If you are bringing children and you have any uncertainty about the safety of that relationship, the training will give you language for what you are uncertain about. Take it for that reason.

The Doubt Is Normal

At some point, most women in this situation think about leaving.

Maybe it was the ConnectNetwork call that turned into a fight about commissary. Maybe it was the two-hour drive to Berlin on a January weekend when Route 2 through the mountains was icy. Maybe it was the Safeguard Training, which was several hours of information about grooming and coercion and offending cycles that she did not previously have in that specific form. Maybe it was just a Tuesday.

The thought is not betrayal. It is what happens when a person carries more than they were built to carry alone.

Some women leave. Some should. The sentence can reveal things about the relationship that were already true. Leaving is not failure.

Some women stay and build something. Not the relationship they had before. Something different. Something tested in a way most couples never are. The ones who build something stopped pretending and had the real conversations.

We are not going to tell you to stay or go. We will tell you that the doubt is not proof the relationship is wrong. It is proof that you are paying attention.

The Social Isolation Nobody Warns You About

New Hampshire has a tradition of privacy. "Live free or die" is the state motto and it reflects something real about the culture -- people often manage their own affairs without asking for help and without offering it. That culture can be supportive when it means respecting your privacy. It can also mean that when the news is bad, people don't know how to show up.

In the southern tier, the transient nature of a metro-adjacent population means some social connections are shallow. In the North Country, everyone knows everything. Neither is ideal when you need one person who can sit with you in the reality of what this is without making it about themselves.

The NHDOC operates a Family Connections Center (FCC) in all three state prisons and in minimum-security units. The FCC provides family support resources. New Hampshire also has legal aid organizations and reentry support, concentrated in Concord, Manchester, and Nashua. corrections.nh.gov is the resource starting point. If you can find one person who can hold your reality without judgment, find them and let them in.

Visiting in New Hampshire: Two Visits Weekly, Unlimited List, Do Not Mail Form to NHDOC

New Hampshire does not have conjugal visits. No private time at any NHDOC facility.

**Two visits per week** authorized for each inmate. Visits from attorneys, clergy, and other official visitors do not count against this quota. This is more generous than most states in this series.

**Unlimited family members on visiting list** -- no cap on list size. All visitors undergo criminal background checks before approval.

**Application process:** The visitor fills out the visitor application form and returns it to the inmate. The inmate processes the request. **Do NOT send the completed form directly to NHDOC.** Applications sent to NHDOC central will not be processed correctly.

**Visitors under 18** must be accompanied by an approved adult family member or legal guardian on the inmate's visiting list. The adult must have completed Safeguard Training if minor children are being brought.

**Safeguard Training:** Required before bringing children to visits. Offered virtually. Complete the application at corrections.nh.gov/resident-relations/visit-resident and NHDOC staff will contact you to schedule a class. Whoever completes the training is the only approved adult permitted to bring minor visitors.

**Scheduling:** All visits scheduled through the NHDOC's GTL/ViaPath visitation platform at nhdoc.gtlvisitme.com.

**NHDOC facilities:**

- NH State Prison for Men: 281 North State Street, Concord, NH 03301; 603-271-1801

- Northern NH Correctional Facility (NNHCF/Berlin): 138 East Milan Road, Berlin, NH 03570; 603-752-2906

- NH Women's Prison: 317 Mast Road, Goffstown, NH 03045; 603-668-6137

**NHDOC HQ:** 105 Pleasant Street, PO Box 1806, Concord, NH 03301; 603-271-5600; corrections.nh.gov.

The Practical Layer: What Needs to Happen

When a partner is incarcerated in New Hampshire, the practical tasks land on the person outside.

**Power of attorney.** Any legal or financial matter requiring his signature needs power of attorney. NH DOC facilities have notary services. LawDepot offers templates. Do this early.

**New Hampshire marital property.** New Hampshire is an equitable distribution state, not community property. Marital assets divided fairly but not necessarily equally. Understand what you are jointly responsible for.

**Joint finances.** Address shared accounts now. Joint debts continue.

**Benefits.** SNAP, NH Medicaid (NH Healthy Families/Medicaid), childcare assistance through CCSNH, energy assistance through LIHEAP. New Hampshire's benefit infrastructure is smaller than neighboring Massachusetts but present. Use what exists.

**Phone account.** ConnectNetwork by GTL (ViaPath), Site ID 222. Visit web.connectnetwork.com or nhdoc.gtlvisitme.com for setup. AdvancePay, Pin Debit, or Trust Fund deposits. FCC rate caps apply.

**Safeguard Training.** If you have children and plan to bring them to visits, do this early. Do not wait until a visit is scheduled to start the training process. Apply at corrections.nh.gov/resident-relations/visit-resident.

**The application form.** Return it to the inmate. Not to NHDOC central. This is worth repeating.

**Letters.** Up to 10 pages, blue or black ink only, per Administrative Rule Cor 314.

None of this is the romantic part of the relationship. All of it is the relationship.

For the Partner Inside: What You Cannot See

This section is for him.

He has two visits per week available. The list has no cap. He gets to choose who is on it and who benefits from that generosity. Be honest about what those choices mean.

The ConnectNetwork call goes through ViaPath. Use it for connection and not for logistics. Ask about her week before asking about his books. And if she completed Safeguard Training to bring the kids -- which means she sat through several hours of content about grooming behaviors and coercion and offending cycles -- understand what that cost her and what it says about her commitment.

The Family Connections Center is available in his facility. Use the resources it offers. The support structure exists for a reason.

When He Gets Out: The Part Nobody Wants to Say

The girlfriend who held onto the idea of him -- who drove to Concord or Berlin and filled the two weekly visits with future-talk and hope -- is usually gone within the first month after release. The adjustment to ordinary New Hampshire life, the job search with a record in a state with a tight but specific labor market, the way he is different from what she remembered -- it is harder than the visits suggested. Most of those relationships do not survive contact with Tuesday.

The woman who managed the New Hampshire household alone, who drove Route 2 through the White Mountains in January to visit Berlin and came back and came back again, who completed Safeguard Training to bring the kids, who told the truth about the money and stayed when staying was the hardest thing -- she already knows who he is under pressure. She has no illusions left. That absence of illusion is what makes rebuilding possible.

Reentry in New Hampshire is hard. New Hampshire's housing market in the south is expensive; the North Country offers affordable housing but limited employment. A felony record constrains options. Supervision conditions are real constraints.

The girlfriend is hoping for the relationship she imagined. The woman who wrote through thick and thin is working with the one that actually exists.

FAQ

**What is Safeguard Training in New Hampshire?** It is a virtual training offered by NHDOC required before bringing minor children to prison visits. It covers visiting room policy and rules, how to prepare a child for visitation, grooming behaviors, coercion, offending cycles, and how to report an incident. Whoever completes the training is the only approved adult permitted to bring minor visitors. Apply at corrections.nh.gov/resident-relations/visit-resident.

**How many visits are allowed per week in New Hampshire?** Each inmate is authorized two visits per week. Visits from attorneys, clergy, and other official visitors do not count against this quota. The visiting list has no cap on number of family members.

**Where do I send the visitor application form?** Return it to the inmate. Do NOT send it directly to NHDOC. The inmate processes the request.

**Does New Hampshire have conjugal visits?** No. New Hampshire does not have conjugal visits at any state DOC facility.

**How do I set up phone calls?** ConnectNetwork by GTL (ViaPath), Site ID 222. Visit web.connectnetwork.com or nhdoc.gtlvisitme.com. Set up AdvancePay, Pin Debit, or Trust Fund deposits. FCC rate caps apply.

**Is it normal to think about leaving?** Yes. Almost every woman in this situation thinks about it at some point. The thought does not mean the relationship is over. It means you are carrying a heavy load and you are honest with yourself about it. If the thought comes with relief rather than grief, that is worth taking seriously.

**What happens to the relationship when he gets out?** Reentry in New Hampshire is hard. Southern NH housing is expensive. North Country employment is limited. Felony records constrain options. Supervision conditions are real. Relationships built on visits and future-talk often do not survive contact with ordinary life. The ones that have the best chance are built on honesty about who both people are under pressure.

[SPEC NOTE: Folder 16R8MTFxsOtqCIV4-WZb9Ys4mX8tc7YRR. Internal CTAs: New Hampshire inmate search, send money, visitation guide NH DOC, Staying Connected hub, New Hampshire reentry resources. SOURCING: corrections.nh.gov/resident-relations/visit-resident (visiting is privilege; inmates authorized two visits weekly; attorney/clergy/official visits not counted against quota; unlimited family members on visiting list; all visitors undergo criminal background check; inmate requests visitor be placed on list; visitor fills out application and returns to inmate; do NOT send to NHDOC; be sure to review dress code; complete Attachment 5 notarized for minors; Attachment 8 for NH DHHS/DCYF escort; Safeguard Training what/who/when/where: virtual; covers visiting room policy/rules/prepare child/grooming behaviors/coercion/offending cycles/reporting; whoever completes training is only approved adult to bring minor visitors; crimes against children may have visitation denied/restricted/chaperone required; inmates with history of crimes against children; apply at corrections.nh.gov; NHDOC contacts after application submission); corrections.nh.gov/inmate-relations/inmate-communications (ConnectNetwork by GTL now ViaPath; US mail and email; inmate email address obtained from inmate; inmates do not have internet access); penmateapp.com NH State Prison (ConnectNetwork by GTL/ViaPath; nhdoc.gtlvisitme.com for scheduling; email-based messaging through vendor; letters limited to 10 pages blue or black ink Administrative Rule Cor 314; calls/video monitored recorded); connectnetwork.com NH DOC (Site ID 222; AdvancePay Phone Pin Debit Trust Fund Community Corrections Visitation Scheduling Video Visitation; nhdoc.gtlvisitme.com); ccjrnh.org (Concord State Prison 281 North State Street Concord NH 03301 603-271-1801; NH Women's Prison 317 Mast Road Goffstown NH 03045 603-668-6137; NNHCF 138 East Milan Road Berlin NH 03570 603-752-2906); Wikipedia NNHCF (Berlin NH; 120 miles north of Concord; medium security male; capacity 635/665; opened 2000; Warden Brian Valerino); inmateaid.com NH DOC (105 Pleasant St PO Box 1806 Concord NH; 603-271-5600; call before traveling); corrections.nh.gov Family Connections Center (FCC in all three state prisons and minimum-security units; family resource center); no conjugal visits New Hampshire (to verify); New Hampshire equitable distribution not community property; corrections.nh.gov. NOTE for Poorwa: verify no conjugal visits New Hampshire per corrections.nh.gov; verify two visits per week still current; verify unlimited family on visiting list still current; verify do-not-send-form-to-NHDOC instruction still current; verify Safeguard Training still required virtual; verify ConnectNetwork GTL/ViaPath still NH DOC phone/video provider; verify Site ID 222 current; verify nhdoc.gtlvisitme.com current scheduling platform; verify letter 10-page blue/black ink limit Cor 314 current; verify NH State Prison 603-271-1801 current; verify NNHCF 603-752-2906 current; verify NH Women's Prison 603-668-6137 current; verify NHDOC HQ 603-271-5600 current; verify Family Connections Center in all three prisons current; verify New Hampshire equitable distribution; len/character check; verify meta title 60 chars and meta description 158 chars.]